artist unknown but damn... so beautiful. found via pinterest
The legend of Lilith goes that she was the first women created by God, even before Eve. Lilith was made of the same essence as Adam and so was considered his equal. But why don't we ever hear of this first lady? 

She seems to have disappeared from history and is given little reference but for a few mentions in the bible and in ancient texts or in astrology. But, she is slowly beginning to re-appear and I'd say it's about time. First, let's remember that stories are just that, fictional truth wrapped in metaphor so we can find lessons.

It's quite evident the patriarchal systems are crumbling as Women all over the world are beginning to stand up and make themselves relevant again. But don't get this confused with Feminism, which is an exaggerated swing towards a justice that seems to be more concerned with revenge than actual healing and balancing the masculine and feminine. I'm not here to condemn or blame men. To heal we must look at the root of where the imbalances are so we can adjust them, so I'd rather contemplate why and how this came about. 

Did it begin with Adam? 

The Story goes that, somehow, Adam got the idea that he was either greater than his female counterpart or he believed he was above her. It's uncertain why and nearly impossible to give a good explanation for Adams way of thinking, especially if he was made in Gods image, but, the story goes that he wanted Lilith "lay beneath him". This can mean a whole lot of things and can be perceived many different ways, but the response Lilith gave to Adam suggests she'd have none of that. Proclaiming her equality to him she denies him his right "over her" and actually leaves Eden. 

Whether Adam actually thought he was better than Lilith or simply wanted to play a fun game and asked Lilith to take the bottom this time round, Lilith was not a chick who took shit. Instead of playing Adam's game, she reminded him she was his equal and then took off, leaving the safety of the garden and instead choose to walk among the shadows. 
Pictureartist unknown - found on pinterest
This part of Lilith's Story fascinates me. 

She chooses to meander through the wilderness and finds that there is more to life than simply what exists in the Garden of Eden. Most references to Lilith thereafter condemn her, speaking instead of her "betrayal" and calling her a monster. It is suggested that while she walked the shadow lands she became acquainted with demons and monsters and in many references to Lilith they say she mothered their children. It is this part of her story that is remembered and she is thereafter deemed a demon herself.

Does she sleep with demons out of Love? Revenge? Or was she perhaps raped and taken prisoner by these monsters? Some part of me wants to believe that she knew what she was doing and perhaps, also being made in the image of God, could find within herself the capacity see the demons and monsters for what they were, just another aspect of Creation. What if she had the capacity within her to love even that which is ugly? But then again, why wouldn't she do that for Adam? 

The story continues that Adam was devastated and upset. He quarrels with God that she should return. So God sends a team of angels to go fetch Lilith from the "darkness" so to speak. The angels find her and ask her to return but again she refuses and chooses her freedom over and against returning to be beneath Adam. She is the first women who claimed her liberation and choose a different path than what was given. She knew it was her God given right. 

So what happens next? Well, we don't know much about Lilith after this, except for more stories that condemn her and call her a dark queen that haunts our dreams and steals your babies in the night. She becomes the things we are fearful of in the dark and likely what men are frighten of when they see that glimmer in women's eyes. How could someone choose darkness over light? 

But I don't know if it's fair to condemn Lilith's choice. "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." Would it have been self betrayal to accept Adam's dominion over her? If she recognized her equality to man, then why didn't man also see his equality to women? If both were made in God's image than how did this perspective get so skewed throughout history?  

PictureArtOdyssey by Gail Potocki
Eve, on the the other hand, was created out of Adam. 

The story goes that God took a piece of Adam's rib and essentially duplicated him to create a "double". The first clone so to speak. Perhaps Eve was made to be more cooperative to Adam. But if she came from his DNA, did she carry the same corrupt belief that he was to be above her?  Is this how history turned women to be submissive to men?

But even Eve was rebellious and wild in her nature. She did not listen to God or Adam and once again Women choose her own path, which ultimately forced Adam to come along for the ride.  

Who came to visit Eve and offer the temptation to avert her from their destiny in the Garden of Eden? It was a serpent... We condemn the serpent as much as we condemn Lilith, but that serpent simply whisper the truth.

"And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as God, knowing good and evil." — Genesis 3:4–5[2]

In my fantasy fill mind, I wonder sometimes if the serpent was actually Lilith. Imagine she returns to Eden only to find another women has replaced her. She's still human so she probably experienced some human emotions. Maybe she saw Eve and became jealous or maybe she saw that Adam had created a women who would lay beneath him and this upset her for she knew the truth of their equality. What if Lilith offered Eve the forbidden fruit, in order to set Eve free? Or perhaps Lilith was in fact conniving and jealous of Eve and wanted her to suffer and experience what she had. What's to say she hadn't been corrupted by the dark and knew how to destroy her ex's little fairy tale?  

We will never truly know, but it's fascinating to consider. **see notes below**

So what does this story teach us? That women betray god? They stray from the path? Or is it that they prefer to live in truth and hold a deep knowing that they too are made in the image of God and therefore know the truth of their equality. The history of Women have endured millennia of men subjecting their superiority over them. A fiction in itself and why women have endured it for so long, boggles my mind. But probably it's because we actually truly love men and will endure anything to roll out this existence with them.  

"Forgive them father, for they know not what they do" is what I know in my heart. So instead I'd like to offer an alternative perspective and let you decide for yourself. 

History is just that... his story. 
But now it is time for another story. 

Ladies you are equal. To understand this at your core does not mean condemning men for how they may have wronged women in the past. Women have done as much wrong as they. Forgive them and forgive yourself. For in our forgiveness we empower ourselves and can change the story. 

The pendulum swings from one side to the other, until it finds balance and sits somewhere between both. This is harmony and universal law. Time will always bring the truth and the archetype of Lilith is merely the act of what happens when this equality isn't honored or recognized. We may have been born like Eve and adopted the belief of women being subservient to men, but we ate the forbidden fruit and that was our gift to ourselves. Now that we can see the truth, what are we going to do about it?  We are made in gods image and so have the capacity within us to choose what we want to create. 

Is this rebellious? I guess, but it's also empowering to stop telling a story that doesn't belong to us or serve our highest good. Yes, there is darkness, but like Lilith, she took a stance and found a way to survive even with the demons and monsters. Love is an endless well, and when we drink from this cup we may just find a way to love even in the darkness. 

-by Lori Fast

Now, I suspect Lilith was already aware of the serpents message. She knew she was made in God's image and she choose to walk into the shadow lands which is apparently where evil dwells. Lilith had already made "friends" with the demons and monsters. Eve on the other hand was quite naive, but still she choose to see for herself. She ate the forbidden fruit and though it may sound awful, the truth was revealed. That light is not alone. There is more to existence than what God let on. Both darkness and light exist and though perhaps God was trying to protect us from the darkness, why did god create a tree in the garden of Eden that would offer such insight? Why tempt that which you don't want revealed? Even the serpent was a creation of God. 

Emphatic like me? Can you feel all those raw emotions swirling around you and just don't know what to do with them? It can be overwhelming on the best of days.
On the good days, I can ground myself and be conscious enough to pose the questions "are these my feelings or am I sensing someone else?" "what am I going to do about it?" "Maybe they just need a hug? or do I need a hug?"

They say it's a blessing and a curse to feel so much. 
I agree. It's great when happiness, fulfillment, peace and gratitude come around to visit, but what of all those other emotions, like jealousy, envy, anger and sadness? And what do we do with them when there's this other little voice inside saying, "you shouldn't feel that way, you're spiritual and shit. You can see the bigger picture, so this shouldn't bother you." But you still feel those emotions anyway. So maybe instead we try to stuff those feelings really deep inside and pull a mask over them, which, in my case, usually expresses itself later as sarcasm.
Defense. Check. 

But then incomes the spiritual shit again.
The other voice inside starts speaking up.
"Listen Lori, from a grander perspective, we are both the dark and the light. We have both good and bad feelings. It's the yin/yang concept. You know all about that. You can't know one side without the other. Both are valid and help us understand the bigger picture of existence."

Great, thanks. But when we're thick in the mud of depression or stress it can be torturous to hear those words. So, how do we move through those emotions when they come up? 

Someone told me the other day that they wished they could just get rid of jealousy and envy. That day I was feeling a little more grounded and optimistic so I spouted my wise owl comment and suggested that "jealousy and envy are there to point out what we wish we could have or be, but for whatever reason don't believe we can. Envy is just there to point out what you want. It just gets a little muddled in the translation."

A week later, I got a decent dose of both jealousy and envy over something that I knew was my own issue and not just some empathetic ripple I was feeling from someone else, so I had to chew on my words. I hate that, so I wrote a blog about it in the hopes to transform what I'm working through in myself.

The spiritualists say you should face your fears and demons.
Sometimes I wish I could just turn into a dragon and burn the whole god damn thing to the ground. It feels satisfying to say that but the end result?  Alone again and that's not the point of a human existence. So, I sat there in my discomfort and let myself go through the shadow realms of my jealousy. 

My brain likes to review scenarios a "few" dozen times before it can move on to actually asking the important questions. Usually I start from the perspective of being the victim. Then after spinning on that treadmill a while another voice appears and begins helping me along...  
"So, you're upset? Well, what is it that they have that you want? Why does it anger you that he/she has it and you don't? Why don't you feel like you can have that too?  What's stopping you from achieving what they have? Do you really want what they have? Or are you just dissatisfied about an aspect of your own life and this is a sign to start doing what you want?" 

Once I started down the trail of unraveling my feelings and beliefs, slowly but surely a fog began to lift and I began to see more clearly what stories I'd been telling myself and what I really wanted. This scenario I was jealous of was reflecting for me, like a mirror, my own betrayal of what I wanted and what blockages were there that still needed to be healed.

Then comes the hardest part.
What am I going to do about it? 

Since I already know my dragon scenario won't end well, I have to brave the emotional upheaval I'm feeling inside, and embrace the feelings of my vulnerability aka "I hate this aspect of myself" and in my particular case, I had to take a deep breath, say I'm worth it and speak my truth with the best of my current outlook.

"I'm jealous of the relationship you have with that person, it hurts me that you two don't see how it affects me. I feel like I can't have what you have." And then I waited for Pandora's box to open and the world to tell me I'm awful for feeling that way. 

Turns out, not everyone will understand. They're on their own journey and my feelings are standing in the way of what they want. So I turned into a dragon and burnt the whole place to the ground. Just kidding... I can't really turn into a dragon. 

We can't get rid of those darker emotions, and being spiritual doesn't mean they suddenly all disappear because we have a different perspective. Instead we can try to be more graceful in understanding what these emotions are trying to tell us. 
I think the most important thing I've learnt when dealing with these types of dark feelings is to trust that there is a message in it for me. But in order to get to the truth of that message, I had to engage with the feeling, to summon the courage to dig deeper into what that emotion was telling me, instead of hiding it, masking it or stuffing it down only to re-emerge with the fire of a dragon. 

Our response to these feelings are what create the change we're really looking for in our lives.

Malicious envy is still the dragon spitting it's fire at whatever seems unfair. Though it might feel empowering, we're really just trying to burn them to bring them to the level we're at, which ain't happy.  Benign envy, however, will turn your dragon into a guide and help you move mountains in order to achieve what you once believed you couldn't. We can use that type of envy to motivate ourselves to climb higher.

Above all, don't be too hard on yourself. Being spiritual doesn't mean better, it simply means you've chosen to look at life from a perspective that will hopefully help you deal with problems as they arise. Are you willing to do the hard work when it shows up? It's not all beaches and butterflies once you get that big spiritual "ahhhhh ha" moment. The unlayering of our perspectives can be a real bitch. And our outlook is only as great as our capacity to move out of our beliefs and push, push push through that mud and up the mountain. 

Surround yourself with people who can listen to you and want what's best, even if it means holding you accountable. Find your sounding boards, those who can help you look at your life as authentically and honestly as possible. We all need a little help decoding and translating this big Story Book we call Life. 

And if all else fails... then just burn it to the ground and start over.